Written In The Stars
By Editorial Staff
Blue Jacket Brethren, here are the CBJ, player-specific horoscopes straight from the heavens. And just in time for Dallas tonight:
Taurus-(Jared Boll, R.J. Umberger and Kris Russell) Stubborn bulls need not fret over recent work losses. Your work ethic and dedication will get you through. If you happen to get in a fight, for crying out loud punch the face and not the helmet. You could break your hand. Lucky numbers: 32, 3, 61 and 93.
Gemini-(Steve Mason, Jan Hejda, Rick Nash and Derek Mackenzie) With two battling personalities, it’s a wonder the twin-sign can get out of bed! You are at your best when you have inner harmony, like assists and goals. At your worst, you seem like a starfish on the ice who can’t understand how they got there. Some of you may need to just call in tonight and let the Capricorn take the net. Take care of yourself, Gemini so you can be 100% by the New Year. Lucky numbers: 3, 22,10, 40,32,50,51.
Cancer-(Fedor Tyutin, Marc Methot, Antoine Vermette) You can be a big-ass crab when you need to be, but that’s not your game. The planets have been fickle with you. Control of your destiny and success at work depends on how you pass work on to others. Be sharp! This is your time. Lucky numbers: 32, 22, 61, 10, 19, 71, 15.
Leo-(Anton Stralman, Jakub Voracek) And what better sign to have than something all of Nationwide Arena screams before home games? This is the favored sign for wearers of Union Blue. Only focus and continual shooting will guarantee results. A beloved Gemini is key to achieving your goals. Lucky numbers: 32, 61, 17, 25, 40.
Virgo-(Tom Sestito, Ethan Moreau, Derick Brassard) The symbol of the Virgin. Well, a-hem. Anyway, just because you were born under this sign does not mean you have to go and sacrifice yourselves. We need you. Stay healthy and intact…for the team, you know. Lucky numbers: 32,10,71,22,40,18.
Scorpio (Mike Commodore, Andrew Murray, KH, aka Juice) The scorpion is passionate and penetrating. All the way to the sin-bin. Keep your emotions and sticks under control and you’ll find work very satisfying. No teasing your virgin friends. Lucky numbers: 32, 61, 3, 17, 18, 97,35
Sagittarius (Kyle Wilson, Samuel Pahlsson, Derek Dorsett) Ah, the Archer. You and your big stick. The traveller of the zodiac, you are comfortable anywhere. Just be careful of wandering into star clusters tonight as this could result in bodily harm or trouble. This may lead to sitting and watching the fun and not participating. You are a key to group success if you can stop having to watch the world thru a Plexiglas box. And for crying out-loud, hit the face and not the helmet! Watch your hands! Lucky numbers: 32, 22,61, 18, 71,93.
Capricorn-(Mathieu Garon) A stable and consistent presence for all around you. Duty and responsiblity have again been heaped on your ample frame. You are capable and able. The road may be long, Capricorn but you are needed. A beloved Gemini looks to you for friendship, guidance and pulling his ass out of the fire. Another well-loved Gemini hopes you can help. Lucky numbers: 3,61,18,22,71…just read the roster.
Aries-(Rostislav Klesla) A true Union Blue. A promising and lucky sign with Pisces rising. Like your Cancer friends, the planets have pulled in the wrong directon at times. Like your Sagittarius friends, be mindful of watching the fun through plexiglas. Much better if you’re present. Lucky numbers: 40, 32, 19 and 61.
Pisces-(Chris Clark) The lone fish in a sea of bulls, crabs, scorpions and virgins. Thank the heavens you haven’t jumped off a bridge. Work success has been slow and seemingly unobtainable. This will all turn around as the planets will shift in the direction of those who wear the Union Blue. Keep telling your team that it’s OK to take a celestial trip to the planets, but to keep one’s head in Uranus is dangerous and will only cause problems with work and promotions later. Ridiculous piscean hockey blogger may hold answers.